Picking Dandelions
by grey.fog
Summary: Peeta was never chosen for the Games and Katniss comes home the victor, and who is there to comfort her? What if she did indeed share Finnick's fate? "I'm a whore, Peeta. I'm no good for you. For anyone." she said, her voice strained to the breaking point. "No. You're a survivor."


Note: Okay I started this story months ago, WARNING now.. I'm not sure if it'll go past this first chapter, but I wrote and I felt that I might as well put it out there. I guess it could stand on it's own. I have more ideas for it to make it multi-chaptered, but it may be a more 'snippet' style then one chapter blending smoothly into the next.

Synopsis: Katniss won. Peeta was not in the Games. And now she shares Finnick's fate, but there's still things happening behind the scenes. There's a rebellion afoot!

**Title: Picking Dandelions **(Even the title is a work in progress!)

Every day that she is in District 12, she comes to the bakery at the same time. On the days she is in the Capitol I pause at that moment while I'm working, and wonder what she is doing. She is always on my mind, but that's no different than the past twelve years. Katniss. The thought of her name causes a pain in my heart, a kind of ache that can't be satisfied. It was longing and love and heartbreak all rolled into one.

I bow my head and knead the dough beneath my hands, the repetitious action so familiar to me I could allow myself to think back on eight months ago, the day she volunteered to take her sister's place as Tribute. She looked so much smaller than John Taggert, the eighteen year old's name that had been pulled after hers, that I almost leapt forward and volunteered myself.

I curse myself even now for a coward and wonder what I might have happened if I had. I'd probably be dead. A slow burn creeps up my neck and the tips of my ears as I think back on my talk with her, before they took her away.

-flashback-

_Gale is being led away, and he gives me a look that could freeze fire, and I feel at once that I shouldn't be there. But I have to talk to Katniss. I've given up so many chances before, and if I don't speak now, I might never get to again._

_When I enter and the door shuts behind me, she looks up from something golden pinned to her chest. But I have no penchant for gold, just the silver grey of her eyes. I feel myself tongue tied just as I always have been in her presence._

"_Peeta?" she says, her voice questioning and softer than I remember. Katniss looks bewildered as to why I'm here, and I don't blame her._

"_I..uhm." I cough a bit into my fist, before reaching into my jacket, my fingers wrapping around the small wooden disk that I've had with me for so many years now, that the yellow painted on it is almost faded away. I've always meant to give it to her. It's always been hers. _

"_This is for you," I say, my hand out, palm up. There it is, a wooden circle, a dandelion painted upon it in faded yellow and green. I almost feel like it's my heart that I'm putting on display._

_She reaches out and takes it, her other hand touching the gold pin. "I'm sorry Peeta.. but I've already got my token." I feel a moment of defeat, but it's quickly followed by determination. _

"_May I see it?" I ask, but don't wait too long to lean forward and remove the pin myself, with trembling fingers. This as close as I've ever been to her, and I can't let this moment pass me up. _

_I take the disc back from her and pushing the sharp pin back and out of the way, press the wooden disk into the void, and carefully repin it to her shirt. And now it looks like the mockingjay is flying against the background of a tree. I've left the dandelion detail facing her heart. _

"_I've always wondered Katniss, why did you pick that dandelion that day?" _

"_Why did you give me the bread?" she asks in return._

_This isn't how I thought our conversation would go. I drop it._

"_Katniss, I have to tell you I –"_

_She cuts me off, "No Peeta. Not now. Please." It's almost as if she's afraid._

"_Then when you get back," I say and it seems my time is up. Once again I don't tell her I love her, but I have the feeling she knows a little of what I might feel. _

-end flashback-

The weeks after that day were a nightmare of the like I've never lived through before, having to watch her fight her way through the arena. I had faith that she would win, because to imagine any other outcome was unthinkable, but as the numbers dwindled District 12 began to hope again. And we have so little to hope for nowadays.

And against all the odds, she won. We had a party in 12 in celebration, but I didn't partake in the festivities. I'd seen the stunned look in her eyes as they forced her to watch the recap of the Games. The way her eyes misted when Rue died in her arms and flinched when the cannon went off. I noticed that Gale was not celebrating either. In fact, he had looked furious, but I couldn't puzzle out what he was angry about. He should be ecstatic that she would be coming home. Thought I wondered how much of the girl I loved would be left. No one comes back from that sort of thing whole.

I had been right. There was a hollowness to her eyes that hadn't been there before. She appeared almost lost for lack of a better word.

She wasn't home a month before she got called back to the Capitol. And then the stories began, of sightings of her with dignitaries, important politicians, and influential people of the Capitol.

The ding of the bell over the door makes me look up, hoping, only to have that hope dashed quickly. It's not Katniss. I smile past my disappointment and put any thoughts of her away for further reflection later. It's time to do my job.

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I'm on my way home when I hear voices down an alleyway. I should turn around and find another way home, but I've always been the type to make sure everyone's alright. Arguments are not uncommon, nor are fights. Usually their turned a blind eye upon. Maybe I should just let it go.. but then I recognize the voices, and I can't help but draw closer.

"How can you go back there and.." Gale bites off, halting himself.

"Do what Gale? Go ahead and say it!"

"Fine! You're a whore for the Capitol! Do you enjoy it? You're betraying all the Districts."

"You know nothing."

"Save it. Until you come to your senses, don't talk to me." He pushes his way past her and I watch as he turns the corner at the opposite end. She watches him go too, and there's a defeated set to her shoulders.

I shift my foot and it kicks a pebble sending it skittering away. She turns sharply, as she does nowadays when she hears a sudden noise. As if she's still fighting for her life.

She relaxes when she sees that it's me. "Oh, It's you." She says and shifts her bag over her shoulder; a bag which I know contains some sort of game she's shot in the forest.

"Are you alright?" I ask and the look she gives me makes me feel like an idiot.

"No I guess not. I.. Katniss.." there's so much I want to say as I move to stand in front of her. Then I don't say anything because she's throwing herself into my arms, her own arms tight around me. I can't quite believe this moment is happening as I hold her. She's murmuring something against my chest.

"Please just let me be weak for a little while. Just for a moment." I know how much those words are costing her. She's never been anything but strong in my eyes, and this doesn't change that.

And I know that now's not the best moment, but I have to tell her before she slips away again.

"The girl I love isn't weak Katniss. You're the strongest person I know." She stills in my arms and then tries to pull away, but I don't let her. "You don't have to love me back. It's okay if you don't. I just.. I can't let you go away again without telling you."

"I can't love you. It's too dangerous." She says, but she's stopped fighting me and stands still in my embrace.

"I'm a whore, just like Gale said, Peeta. I'm no good for you. For anyone." she says, her voice strained to the breaking point.

"No. You're a survivor." I hold her more tightly and we stand there together for a very long time.


End file.
